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The world is a book..

Oh April, why are you speeding by like a shooting star? This month has been great, and it's just been going by way too fast. It's quite unfair really. Sometimes I would like to be able to just hit a pause button and live in those little amazing moments that seem to pass by so quickly. It's not that I want them to last forever, I want to experience new amazing moments, but I'd like to just be able to fully appreciate them and drink it all in. I just feel like I'm constantly rushed and forced to pass through each moment without any delay or thoughts.
Either way, I'm hoping to continue this rising streak of happiness into May and into the rest of this year. Maybe it won't last forever, but I can try and make it last as long as I possibly can.
My Birthday was earlier this week! And it was lovely and simple and I just was so content. Me and Adam took two days off back to back so that we can really spend some time with each other without being interrupted. Sunday, we went to a sci-fi conference! It was so much fun! We dressed up as Mulder and Scully and got to meet Richard Hatch from Battlestar Galactica! (who was awesome by the way). We also got to see some great costumes, buy some rare superhero products and gifts for our family, an amazing replica of R2-D2, got our pictures taken a whole bunch. And finally, had a nice lunch/breakfast together. Then we left and went home to enjoy the rest of the sunny and warm evening with my parents. We had a bbq and just talk and then watched a movie. Then the next morning Adam made me a delicious breakfast, we laid in bed and just enjoyed each others company, then got dressed up and went for sushi and caught a movie at the theatre afterwards. It was just what I wanted. :)
Today so far I've went cleaning with my Mother and counted the change that I've been saving up for spending money for Florida. I managed to save $320.00 in pennies, nickles,dimes, quarters and loonies! Not bad if I say so myself! I'm really excited for a break though. My body is craving and demanding one from me at this point. Plus, spending a bunch of uninterrupted time with Adam is something much needed as well.
Well I'm going to relax for a bit now until I have to head out to 3 hours of dance! Woop!
Love and butterflies!

do me a favor..and smile :)

Well well, how lovely our April weather has been! I don't want it to end! Great weather really improves and effects my mood and level of motivation to get things done. Even when you're tired, if the sun is shining and the temperature is just to your liking, it's hard to just give up and go for a nap or something. Although a cat nap in the sun is always lovely. :)
I'm slowly but surely getting through things this month. I just feel like it's flying by though, I can't get a chance to actually see where I am and where I want to be by the end of it. I feel like even if I made a "to-do" list it would be pointless because time is just speeding by! I guess that's a good sign because it shows that I'm busy. Being busy can be a good thing, as long as it's not a stressful busy. The less stress the better!
There was nothing particularly ground breaking that caused me to write today. I just feel really content and positive right now. I'm looking forward to tomorrow even though nothing of any significance is happening, and I'm even working. But I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to starting new projects, finishing old ones and getting things done.
Speaking of projects, one thing that I've been attempting to start this past year was to make as many homemade products, whether it's household or beauty, as possible. I save so many amazing ideas that I find online that would help save money, save shopping time, even contribute to saving the Earth! Who would want to avoid these things? Not me! The only thing is, I always save or find these things at night when I finally get a chance to relax and really search the web. So I save, go to bed and forget about them! Not intentionally of course, that's just life. And now I have so many things saved up I have no idea where to start. Well, I should say "had" no idea where I should start. Because honestly I started, and the best thing to do, like always, is to just go with it and jump in. So I did a small DIY project that I've been wanting to do for a couple months now. I literally just did it about 10 minutes ago, even though it's 11:00 pm. It was just too easy to pass up. It's a DIY Beach in a Bottle sea salt spray for your hair! It gives you those great beachy waves you get when you've either been at the beach all day or have used a great sea salt spray from a cosmetic store. I used a spray from Sun Silk which was actually cheap,and was so great, but then it got discontinued. And unfortunately finding another kind was hard and finding a cheap one was even harder. So I decided to give this a go especially considering I already had all the ingredients that were needed. And just like the girl in the tutorial says, it really works better than anything I've tried! I tried a RUSK one before and this beats the results and the smell easily. The girl also displays the products she used, but you can use any brand. I had a lot of these products in fructis, because that's the brand I usually buy and that I find gives great results while being affordable. So I used Garnier Fructis curl gel, Granier Fructis damage repair leave-in conditioner, then a sritz of Ibiza Sol perfume that my sister had because the smell reminds me of the beach and summer so much. And it's fantastic! I've already used some! So, like I said, whatever you have kicking around the house, especially products that aren't being used would be perfect for this. And talk about a great gift? Pour it into a small spray bottle from the Dollar Store and put a little card or tag with the name and directions and a ribbon, voila! I put my in mini travel spray bottles because I'm totally taking one with me when I go on my trip to Florida! So, enough of my babbling, here's the link to this great DIY spray!
Something else I accomplished today was when I took my dog for a walk earlier I stopped and took the time to pick up the litter on my road. Two sobey's bags full of garbage and bottles and cans! Crazy. But I felt so good after, so I plan on continuing this cleanup tomorrow when I go for another walk! :) Finally I'm doing something hands on to contribute to the Earth and Earth Day!
Well that's it for now folks! I'm off to have a spot of tea and read before bed!


“When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.”
-peace pilgrim

I really like this quote, I just stumbled upon it today for the first time and it's very fitting to where I am right now. I look at this quote in many ways, not just as a starting point for peace among people, but as a starting point for being who you are and being happy with it, therefore accepting who other people are and appreciating and being happy with them. Accept all your faults, work on them, love them and in return you'll be able to accept other people's faults more easily. It's a great concept. And very suiting for where and what I want to be doing throughout the rest of April.
In my last entry I spoke of beauty, and how being beautiful on the inside and through your actions you will appear and be beautiful regardless of how you look. I've been trying to figure out why I wanted to write everything I experience this year in a journal, and why I want to give each month a theme or a challenge or task. And I now know it's because I want a makeover. Not a beauty makeover on the outside, no changing of the hair or different products or anything like that, a beauty makeover on the inside. It sounds kind of lame, but it's essentially what I've been working towards for a while now. Now that I know exactly what I want though, I'm hoping it'll come easier.
It's not that I'm a bad person or anything. I'm quite normal. I have my good moments and I have my bad. I can be so completely selfless with myself for a week and then just be selfish about everything for a day or two in between. That's human, and I believe that everyone is going to have these phases, and it's okay, there's nothing wrong with it. But it's getting over these phases that are the challenges, it's making sure you don't get stuck in that rut, and that you know how to find yourself again and snap yourself out of it. Being happy is a definite work in progress and some days it's definitely much easier than others. But I believe that with the more challenges you face and overcome the stronger you are and the more prepared you are for next time. You learn something new about yourself every time you face a new challenge and make it out alive. It's especially helpful if you happen to deal with the same or similar challenges often. For example, every year I know I will have my depression phase, I honestly won't know or be able to really identify or pin point what the issue is, but I'll be sad, and restless and almost angry at the world. There is always a reason behind it, and it's usually due to a build up of stressful events that I pushed through and ignored for a period of time. So I go through the phases without really enjoying anything or making an effort, and I become selfish by being like that, because it effects the people I love when I'm not acting like myself. Being around someone who is negative all the time is not what people want, it in return makes them feel bad about themselves and it's a vicious and mean cycle. I don't want to make anyone feel bad about themselves just because I'm having a bad month and can't deal with it properly. That's unfair. So that's usually when I snap out of it, when I realize how I'm not only hurting myself but the people around me. But like I've said, I face these phases every year, because every year brings new challenges and I do the same thing. However, now that I've overcome all these cycles and situations, I'm slowly learning what I need to come out of them, how to deal with it more efficiently without ignoring it and pretending to move on and be happy. It really is about letting go of the things you can't control and couldn't control in the past, realizing what you have in your life to be so grateful for, and forgiving not only people in your past who may have hurt you but forgiving yourself for any little faults that you think you might have, accepting that you deserve to be happy and knowing that being at war with not only yourself but everyone else is not worth it and isn't helping.
So April is about me furthering my awareness of these things. I noticed that even the littlest things can contribute to making things worse or making things better. So this month is all about the little things. Keeping things simple and positive. It might not last forever because life can throw anything your way, but at least I'll have something to fight my way back to. I'll remember how I felt and how I want to be back in that content place and I'll have had learnt even more about myself because of it so I'll hopefully be more prepared than ever for anything that may happen.
April is going good so far, I have my ups and downs, I think it's due to the overload of everything that happened last month, it's kind of like a little aftershock. But that's when i realized that I needed to work on myself and find peace within myself, just like this quote suggests, so that I can truly move on and so that the people in my life will also be happy.
I was going to do up a list of things to do every day to contribute to this beauty makeover, but like I said, I want to keep it simple. I don't want to stress myself out by making a list of things to do so that I'm not stressed out. Seems counterproductive. But I'd like to take the time out this month to compliment myself every day whether it's on my personality, a task that I got done, something I accomplished or learned, or just on how I look. Then I want to take the time to compliment other people! A simple compliment can do wonders for a person, especially if on the inside they're just like you and are at war with themselves, or feeling down. I want to appreciate nature more by doing something on Earth Day around just my community even, or by donating, whichever comes first. I want to be open with my heart and feelings and essentially treat people the way I want to be treated. I want to try new things, even if it's something I would normally not want to do. I just want to be more selfless all over and at the same time know when to be selfish within regards of taking care of myself and taking time to appreciate who I am and to grow. I'd also like to stop using negative words and phrases like "I'm fat" "ugly" "I can't" "I suck" "hate" "it's all my fault", etc.
So let do this April! I'm hoping you'll be my month, I like to think you pull through for me every year. Maybe this one will be the best one yet.
Now I'm going to treat myself to a nice bowl of frozen yogurt, a cup of green tea and maybe an Audrey Hepburn marathon! :)

April showers...

Oh Audrey Hepburn, how I love thee. I want to turn you, everything you do and did, and all your quotes into an anthem for April. It's really true what they say, be the change you want to see in the world. I want to be beautiful inside and out and sometimes mostly just inside.


Mar. 30th, 2012

Oh there are too many great Dr. Seuss quotes out there, but this one is up there with my all time favorites.
I wish I had taken the time to post more quotes. I think I'll still continue considering this month was taken off track slightly and my time was otherwise preoccupied with getting it back on again. Quotes also make me happy. None of my favorite quotes are depressing or hurtful or negative, which is why they're essentially my favorite. :)

It's nearing the end of March and I've had a lot of ups and a whole lot of downs and I don't regret anything that's happened and I'm not angry or holding on to any of the bad, but boy am I eager for this month to be over. Not that going into a new month is entirely life changing or anything, but it's like I said before, it's a chance to start fresh, try it all over again. There's always a chance to start over and to keep trying and pushing to achieve happiness. Plus April to me is when Spring really begins, and Spring is definitely a chance and time of renewal and starting again. So I pray that nature and the stars and the laws of whatever else is out there are in my favor. Not that any of those things will stop me from trying my hardest to be who I want to be and be where I want to be and to be happy.

Anyways, that's all for the night. Tea, chocolate and Superman before bed, that's what I'm talking about. <3


But you're just a boy

So I would definitely consider this to be one of the worst weeks, or month. It's like one bad thing after the other keeps happening, and I don't mean little things like, "oh I lost my bank card" or "I stubbed my toe" or whatever. These are "There is so many life changingly bad things happening right now I honestly don't have a clue how to react emotionally". But, maybe that's a good thing. I'm really busy right now, so that helps, but I just feel like I'm going through the motions and I've kind of just shut down emotionally. I have my moments, alone, where I let it show, but then I just shove it aside and clean the house more, or go to extra dance classes, or work. I know this won't be the last bad month to happen throughout my life, the older you get the more inevitable it is that you have to deal with these sad and life changing events. Growing up really does suck. But I've enjoyed growing up and looked forward to it. However, right now I'm just moot on the whole thing, on everything really.
So this journal is not only a small and brief outlet for me, but also a distraction. There are so many quotes I could use to relate to things I'm going through, because it's more than one thing. But I've been trying to think and be inspired my Marilyn Monroe lately. She's always been a favorite of mine, the way she just accepted who she was, flaws and all, and how she told it like it was. How strong of a female she was, classy, elegant yet sexy and a spitfire. She's who I need to be right now, except in terms of my own personality. I'm not into being someone who you aren't, but attitude wise, I would not mind being a little more like her.
So here's my favorite quote of the day!
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
― Marilyn Monroe

You are the only exception...

So this past month has proven to be full of stress, conflict, worry and being constantly busy. But I'm still going strong, staying positive, taking comfort in the things and people that make me smile and laugh.
It's strange but I'm still not fond of literally writing out the details of everything that has been going wrong or that has been difficult. I just feel like listing these things makes me sound whiney or like I'm looking for sympathy, pity. But I'm not doing any of those things. I like to write about everything that's been positive in my life instead. But I know that the negative things are especially important.
Things with my family have just been sort of on edge and rocky. Every individual has his/hers own set of problems to deal with, and problems can range quite drastically from insecurities to relationships to physical problems. So it's hard to really ever know how arguments and certain situations are caused. Basically everyone in my family has their own issues, and we all let them build up, and we all have a breaking point. We're also so close that we eventually end up letting it out on each other. Regardless, my father has not been the same since his father/my grandfather passed away a few years ago. He was his best friend. My father is also very sensitive, even though he doesn't act like it. He doesn't know how to talk about things, especially his feelings. And in the whole scheme of things feels like nobody cares about him. Which is the complete opposite. He is the sweetest man. Both my parents are the sweetest people and I love them to death and it makes me want to cry that I can't make everything right for them and make them both the happiest they could ever be. So when I hear or witness them getting into a huge argument over little issues that they just let build up over time, I have to butt in. Which is wrong of me, but I can't sit by when I know that the only issue with them is with their communication and not directly with each other. Sometimes butting in makes things worse though. That's what kind of happened in this specific incident. Then I let my frustration with them not letting me help (their both extremely stubborn) just blow over. I never yell, I hate yelling in fact. But I yelled, more like shrieked at my father for not listening and not trying to listen. He took it the wrong way, like he usually does because he thinks everyone is against him, and he basically wouldn't look at me let alone speak to me because he somehow thought I was going against him. Anyways, you see, it's quite a roller coaster. Explaining it in words it's almost pointless, and makes it sound confusing. That's because there's much more behind it than a simple argument that went a bit too far. Like keep saying, stress can do a lot to a person, especially when they keep it all inside.
I just wish I were closer to my dad so that I could at least half prevent these kinds of things. I'm close with him, yes, but not really. For example, we don't just sit down and have grand ol' chats about life and our problems and everything like me and my mom do. We don't even really do anything together because we're both very different in terms of interests and how we like to spend our time, and also because of our schedules conflicting so much. I'm lucky if I get home at the end of the night to see my parents and say good night before I go to bed.
Maybe once I finally move out and get my life on track it'll be easier to be close to him. I'm not sure. But it just makes me so sad. Life is so fragile and fleeting and we're all getting older. I just want to be able to say,a good 30 years or more from now when my parents pass away or are near there, that I was close to them and they were proud of me, and they knew how much I loved them. I don't want to have any regrets. So, this is why family time is so important to me. I need to try harder, but my schedule right now is just so hectic. It's so hard sometimes. But I'm not going to let it stop me, my schedule could be this way for the rest of my life, who knows, I have to learn how to adjust. But right now, it's seemingly weighing on me.
That's that then. There is also the issue with my Uncle. All I'm going to say on that subject is he's alive now and doing well (whatever well is for anyone who has just had two surgeries in the past two weeks and a lot of scares in the past two months) And I'm grateful for that. So that's what's important.
Then you have your generic, day to day stresses that everyone deals with. So to me, they're pointless to even write about. :) I'm also just really tired and don't want to continue writing much.
So I decided what this months "thing" is going to be. I'm going with something simple due to my heavy schedule and lack of time. But it's still going to be fun and fitting. It's my favorite quotes! First one is a goody and dedicated to one damn brilliant man with a great hairdo!

A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.
Albert Einstein

Well said sir! Also such a gem for what I'm going through this month!
Anywho! Be Silly, Be Honest and Be Kind people!
Ahh, gloomy Monday's. What is it with the inevitable Monday blues? Even when you aren't working it seems less exciting than every other day. This makes no sense considering Monday is the start of a whole new week. It should be more uplifting than anything, like the start of a new month or year, etc. It does help when it's sunny and beautiful outside. It's currently gray and dull out there unfortunately. But I'm not going to let it get me down!!
March has begun and there's a lot happening. I have a job offer with another company that I'm planning to take. It's only a two week gig but that's all I need to make a little extra cash. I'm not getting as many hours as I'd like at Lawton's, but it'll also be nice to do something else for money. It can get pretty depressing there on some days when it's really slow. So I'm excited for that to begin. The company should be calling me today!
I have lots of dance rehearsal going on this month because I have a show on April 5. Only 3 more rehearsals left! Eeep! Nerve wrecking but this is my favorite part. The last few rehearsals that lead up to a performance. It's so much fun! I also have a chance of doing more in this particular piece than I did last year, I have to work really hard and prove that I can do it though or he might just use me as an understudy. It's such a little and half pointless part but it would mean so much to me to get it. It's a piece with mostly ballet movement and technique in it, so it would be huge if he let me be a part of it, even if I am in the back!
Me and Adam are still doing great. I hate even writing it down for fear of me jinxing it or something. Sometimes things just seem to good or to normal to be true you know? But I believe that it's possible to live a happy normal life without any great catastrophe. It has to be possible for at least some people. I still have challenges that I have to overcome, me and Adam are still working out past issues with each other, I still don't spend enough time with my family or friends. But I really am trying and I'm extremely lucky to have things come so easy to me and have the people that are in my life. I'm so grateful and lucky, but I have worked hard to be where I am right now, so I think I deserve this happiness. Everyone deserves this kind of happiness.
Anyways, speaking of Adam, this weekend was lovely. We went out for a sushi date, watched Jurassic park, had supper with his family and played board games and drank on Saturday which was lovely. Then the next morning he blew my mind but waking me up holding a tray with a delicious breakfast for me and him, which we continued to eat in bed, followed by us snuggling up and falling back to sleep afterwards. We also went for a lovely walk because it was beautiful out yesterday. It was the perfect Sunday morning. I love him so much sometimes it scares me or I think I might explode! I just hope to return the favor to him everyday.
So that was my weekend and here I am starting off my week with two days of no work and starting a new health program. It's a website called myfitnesspal.com. You basically put in your current weight, what you'd like to weigh, your height, physical activity, etc, and then it calculated the amount of fat, carbs and protein you should be having along with the amount of exercise needed to help you lose a certain amount each week. It's awesome! So far I love it because it gives me a way to track everything I eat without me having to do all the work. So far I'm doing great and I'm really excited to keep this up. It's a great motivational project. I eat fairly healthy regardless but I do pick and eat sweet stuff sometimes without counting it and that can make a huge difference! I really recommend this site for people who are having trouble following stupid diet plans and menus. This is one of my projects for the month.
My other project was to continue with more lists or favorites or reviews of things. I'm not sure which one I'm going to go with yet, favorite movies, meals/food, beauty products, diy projects, or music, or what. So many options. Either way I'll be starting that soon!
Yay for March!
Cheers everyone.

February 14. Love # 14!!!

It's Valentine's Day, I'm feeling sappy and lovey dovey, like always. Regardless, this final love was known all along. My love for this particular being cannot be expressed in words and not even in pictures. It just goes beyond anything I've ever felt for anything or anyone before. It's lame, indeed, but that is who I am, plus, I'm just being honest. It's Adam. My wonderful, amazing and out of this world boyfriend. I've only been with him for a year and 9 months, but honestly he knows more about me and has been through more with me than anyone else in my life. He challenges me and pushes me to never give up and to be the best person that I can be. He makes me laugh even when laughter seems like the last thing I could possibly do. He's patient with me and is always trying to find new ways to accept and deal with my random mood swings. He respects me and appreciates me. And he's so strong physically, mentally and emotionally. He has the kindest heart even though he likes to act like he doesn't. I learn something new about him that I love every time we hang out or talk. He's my best friend. I still get butterflies whenever I see him or when he touches me. He makes me feel beautiful and needed. Like a princess, even though that's something I never thought I wanted to ever feel like. I'm not afraid to be myself around him and vice versa. I could go on and on, none of this even really makes to anyone or sounds like rubbish probably. But that's it. That's how he makes me feel, he makes me sane yet crazy at the same time. And I can only hope and try to be everything for him that he is for me.
Valentine's Day was simple and lovely. I made supper for me and Adam. We ate it in his bedroom where I had cleaned up and decorated and made a little picnic area for us on the floor. Of course there were candles and chocolates and freshly bakes goods that I made for dessert. He got off work early and surprised me while I was in the middle of making supper and had me Lady and The Tramp, the diamond edition that comes with the story book too. I didn't want any gifts, and we told each other that Valentine's isn't about gifts, but he couldn't resist. Noodle head. So I gave him a little gift that I picked up as well for him, some lovely geeksoaps and fun comfy boxers! So we just ate food and sweets and watched Lady and The Tramp, then Tangled and then How I met Your Mother. We just cuddled the whole night and relaxed. It was the best.
Now my 14 Loves of February are over! I feel like doing some other kind of list, but I'm not going to start it until next month. I may do my favorite beauty products,which includes makeup, hair products, nail care, body products, etc. It'd be a pretty big list, but I;d like to give a few little reviews on my favorites and my possible not so favorites just because I work in cosmetics, so I try a lot of different products!
Who knows! This was fun though! Even if it was a bit difficult to stay on track with my schedule.
Hope everyone had a lovely Valentine's and a wonderful February! Love love love!
<3 <3 <3

But it's you who makes me loose my head

Love # 13!!

I decided to give this spot to the wonderful world of art. Art has many shapes and forms and honestly I love all things artistic. But right now I'm talking specifically of creating things with my hands, painting, drawing and crafts.
I've been drawing and painting since I was in grade 7, and although I barely have the time to do it as often as I used to, I still try to fight in projects here and there. And every time I paint or draw or create something out of nothing, I get lost. It's very similar to how I feel about dance, except I believe dance to be more freeing to me, less concentration in ways. It's my outlet for almost everything. But art is where I get to express myself in a whole different way that takes time and patience and lots of times can even leave me unsatisfied in the end. But when I don't like something I've done, I don't stop until I turn that around. It's great, and like I said before, I can get lost in it for hours without realizing time has gone by. I just think it's amazing to have a blank canvas and to start out on a whim and end up with something beautiful. I also like just turning on music and getting messy and not caring about anything going on around. I like figuring out what needs to go where, what makes a certain shade of color or what kind of stroke of the brush creates that certain required effect. It's like a puzzle with no previous pieces given.
I picked this today because I've been doing crafts all day, and although time has gone by quickly and it's so late I haven't noticed and I'm really enjoying myself. Seeing the end product is such a good feeling. I made garland and book marks today. I actually just finished my bookmarks, which I'll post a picture of after my list of Loves in February are over.
However it is quite late and I'm sleepy. I had ballet for an hour and half which really exhausts you both mentally and physically. It was a good night though.
It's strange how I miss Adam so easily and quickly, I hope that's not a bad thing.
Be kind and love.